A Tok'ra's Guide to the Tau'ri
by Anouk Sun Amun
Summary: O'Neill and Hammond have invited some of the Tok'ra to Earth to learn more about the culture... CHAPTER 5!
1. O'Neill, Tok'ra, and Brilliant Ideas

A Tok'ra's Guide to the Tau'ri  
  
by Anouk Sun Amun (anouk_sun_amun@hotmail.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairings: That would be telling...  
  
Season: Before Divide and Conquer, after Upgrades, whenever they were.  
  
Category: Romance  
  
Diclaimer: Don't own them, never have, never will. No money was made from this and no breach of copyright was intended.  
  
Summary: At a suggestion from O'Neill, General Hammond invites some of the Tok'ra to earth to learn about Tau'ri culture...  
  
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Chapter One:  
  
Jack O'Neill, Tok'ra, Brilliant Ideas and Talks of Things Being Morally Wrong  
  
Suddenly the two-storey high ring began spinning. Klaxons wailed loudly.  
  
"Off-world activation!" a technician announced. "Should I close the iris, sir?"  
  
"Yes, son," Major-General George Hammond told him.  
  
The metal shield slid into place, grating loudly. The technician stared intently at the computer monitor. For a few seconds there was nothing. Then... Triumphantly he hit the enter key.  
  
"Recieving Tok'ra IDC."  
  
"Open the iris," Hammond instructed.  
  
The well-drilled ritual was completed. SG-1 ran down the metal stairs and into the 'gate room. With one last 'clunk' the iris slid from view, revealing a shimmering blue event horizon.  
  
Standing behind the airmen, Major Samantha Carter glanced at her CO. He had a huge grin plastered across his face. she shook her head.  
  
"This is the first time I've knon you to be this happy about seeing the Tok'ra, sir," she commented.  
  
"Well, this is different," Colonel Jonathan 'Jack' O'Neill told her.  
  
The Major furrowed her eyebrows. "How so, sir?"  
  
O'Neill looked at her with mock surprise. He opened his mouth to reply, but stopped. Instead he just chuckled to himself.  
  
"Sir, what's going on?" He was starting to scare her.  
  
"Oh, you'll see, Carter, you'll see," he answered, his eyes shining. He stiffened formally. "And it comes down to this, Major --" she pushed her shoulders back and matched his posture, "-- you're either with us or against us!"  
  
"Sir, I really have no idea what you're talking about," the blonde woman said apprehensively. She hoped the pleeding tone of her voice was enough to make him spill.  
  
It had exactly the opposite effect. A huge grin spread across the US Colonel's face and all sense of formality disappeared into oblivion.   
  
We've really got to talk to Hammond about the abysmal state of communication in this place," he told her in a serious tone. "It would appear that I'm not the only one not getting my memos. Tsk," he shook his head, his smile growing. "With a seven million dollar plus budget we can't even tell our own men what's going on whilst they're on base."  
  
Major Carter was about to question him further when the blast doors at one side of the 'gateroom opened.  
  
"At ease, men," the bald General Hammond ordered as he walked through the lines of airmen. The heavily armed men lowered their weapons and stood at a parade rest.  
  
"General," Colonel O'Neill greeted him, and rounded it off with a sloppy salute.  
  
"Sir." Major Carter gave the man a curt nod. She noticed he was wearing blue dress, complete with all the pins, badges and paraphanalia of his rank. She gulped, and it felt as though she had to swallow her furiously beating heart. This was not good.  
  
Any chance of the previous line of conversation being continued was cut off. Through the 'gate stepped four hooded figures. All were clad in dark beige cloaks.  
  
"Colonel, this was an excellent idea," General Hammond commended his 2IC, "but you were the last person I'd imagine to have come up with it."  
  
"Well, sir," he explained, "we're all entitled to a stroke of brilliance once in a while." He shot Sam a sideways glance.  
  
Her two superiors walked towards the ramp before she could ask what the 'excellent idea' was. She stared blankly at their backs and prayed to whatever gods actually existed that it wasn't going to hurt too much.  
  
Dr Daniel Jackson and Teal'c pushed past her, discussing something passionately.  
  
"There has to be something in one of our conventions or regulations forbidding this," Daniel reasoned. "This is so wrong in so many ways!"  
  
"I must agree, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said stoically.  
  
"Like, c'mon, it's almost an act of war!" Daniel continued, adding dramatic arm movements. "Geneva's gotta have something to say about this!"  
  
Sam took a deep breath. She had to stop herself from running towards her friends and demanding to be told what was happening. Her head was feeling light. Jack O'Neill, Tok'ra, brilliant idea and talk of things being morally wrong: not good. So not good.  
  
She strode over to the the gathering at the bottom of the ramp, trying to look calm. The four guests had pushed back their hoods. Sam searched their faces.  
  
First was her father, Jacob Carter; then Martouf (her heart did this little jumpy-in-her-chest thing that she hated); Anise (ooh boy); and... Garshaw?  
  
"People of the Tau'ri," the Tok'ra leader said in a heavily distorted voice, "I give you greetings on behalf of myself, the High Council and the Tok'ra. We thank you for this opportunity."  
  
"Thankyou," General Hammond said, smiling warmly. "On behalf of our President, the Pentagon, the SGC and the American people we welcome you to Earth."  
  
Garshaw bowed her head. Her companions followed suit.  
  
"Right," O'Neill rubbed his hands together and gave their guests a dangerous smile. "Now we've got formality out of the way, we can get started."  
  
Sam didn't like the glint in his eye.  
  
"Yes," General Hammond cut in before Jack could say any more. "Firstly we'll get some of our people to provide you with some clothes more suited to our world. I'll see you all in briefing in two hours." With that the General left. 'Great,' Sam thought.  
  
"Bye!" Jack called out after him. He turned back to the expectant group. "Okay, campers, this is the deal: Teal'c and I'll go through the plan one final time. Carter, Daniel, you'll help the Tok'ra with the clothes. Got it?"  
  
Everyone nodded and murmmered.  
  
"What are we doing, anyway?" Sam asked, not really sure if she wanted the answer.  
  
Teal'c raised and eyebrow, Daniel shot Jack a dirty look, Jacob looked annoyed, Anise looked amused and Martouf looked confused.  
  
"Were you not told of our visit prior to our arrival, Samantha?" he asked, genuinely concerned. The expression on his face did something inside her chest that warranted a mental slap.  
  
"No," she told them.  
  
From the look Martouf gave her CO she knew they weren't going to get along this time. Come to think of it, they never got along.  
  
Jack smiled sheepishly. "Must have forgotten to tell her," he professed innocently.  
  
Jacob ignored him. "Hey, Sammie," he said, wrapping his arms around his daughter. He released her after a few seconds. "Missed you, baby."  
  
"Yeah, me too, Dad, but what's going on?" she asked, hoping to finally get an answer.  
  
"We are here to learn more about your culture," Garshaw informed her.  
  
"Yes," Martouf added. "Colonel O'Neill suggested that SG-1 show a small contingent of Tok'ra around a part of your world."  
  
Sam was sure she had heard wrong. She hoped she had heard wrong. Her chest tightened.  
  
"Excuse me?" she asked, wincing as her voice broke.  
  
She's heard many people say they had felt the colour drain from her face. She had always wondered how that was possible. Now she wished she didn't know. It wasn't a pleasant feeling.  
  
"Uh, Carter, we're taking these guys on a tour," O'Neill simplified, avoiding her glance. He felt Martouf's eyes bore into him as he spoke. He'd have to watch out for that man.  
  
It took a while for it to register in her brain. When it did, all knew about it. Sam's cry was heard through the blast doors in the adjacent hallways.  
  
"We're WHAT?!"  
  
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In the next chapter...  
  
The Tok'ra have some trouble with Tau'ri clothes and find supermarket shopping a little daunting...  
  
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A/N: The relationships (yes, plural!) will come later, please be patient. I'd like a story before we get into the 'shippy parts.  
  
So, anyone for feedack. One word reviews are quite acceptable. 


	2. And We Haven't Even Left the Base

A Tok'ra's Guide to the Tau'ri  
  
by Anouk Sun Amun (anouk_sun_amun@hotmail.com)  
  
Rating/Pairings/Season/Category/Disclaimer/Summary: See previous chapter  
  
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A/N: Okay, the little bit at the end of the last chapter saying that the 'tour' will start in this one is wrong; there has been a change of plan. This came to me during one Maths lesson (after a test whilst I was waiting for everyone else to finish) and it was scribbled down in a hurry. Sorry if it's a bit muddled up and confusing; I tried to edit it as I went.  
  
Also, thanks to all those nice people who reviewed the first chapter. *big hug* I was reading the last few comments while typing this up, so it's dedicated to all of ya!  
  
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"Uh, Carter, we're taking these guys on a tour," O'Neill simplified, avoiding her glance. He felt Martouf's eyes bore into him as he spoke. He'd have to watch out for that man.  
  
It took a while for it to register in her brain. When it did, all knew about it. Sam's cry was heard through the blast doors in the adjacent hallways.  
  
"We're WHAT?!"  
  
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Chapter Two:  
  
And We Haven't Even Left the Base Yet...  
  
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Sam closed her eyes and sighed. "Do you think you've got it now?" she asked, putting as much cheer in her voice as she could.  
  
Both women in front of her still wore blank expressions, but they inclined their heads anyway.  
  
"I am sure we can manage. Thankyou, Major Carter," Freya said.  
  
Sam forced a smile as the two Tok'ra disappeared into a small room. Again. The smile turned to a scowl as soon as the door was closed.  
  
Clenching her fists, she turned. She was in a brightly lit room somewhere in the VIP quarters. Two SFs had shown her, Daniel and the Tok'ra there shortly after Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c had left. Her father had grabbed a set of clothes and also departed, saying he wanted to catch up with Hammond.  
  
Daniel was standing with his hands in his pockets staring at an interesting spot on the blank wall nearest to him.  
  
'Just breathe, Sam,' she told herself. 'you're a USAF Major: act like it!'  
  
With another exasperated sigh she leaned against a metal table. "I'll kill him!" she hissed.  
  
"Who?" Daniel asked innocently, turning to face her. "Jack?" His cheeks were still tinged red.  
  
"No!" Sam replied, her voice rising by half an octave. "Harry Maybourne! Of course it's the Colonel!"  
  
He waited a few seconds for her to gain her composure. "I'm gathering discussing the peculiarities of women's underwear with aliens isn't one of your favourite things, huh?"  
  
She had to smile. Trust Daniel to lighten the atmosphere.  
  
"It's not that," she said, folding her arms across her chest.  
  
"No?" Daniel queried, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"No," she admitted, exhaling heavily. "I'd be all right with this if the Colonel had told me about it before they arrived."  
  
"Ah," was his reply. There was a moment's silence. "He didn't know how you'd take it," Daniel told her. "We've all noticed how touchy you get about the Tok'ra."  
  
"Yeah, well, if that's what he was worried about, he's made it a hell of a lot worse by leaving me out of it," she fumed.  
  
Daniel looked down and pushed his glasses further up his nose. "There's more to it than meets the eye," he said softly.  
  
"I don't care," she announced, her voice at its normal volume and pitch. "Just look at the responsibility he's given me, without warning I might add, compared to you guys.  
  
"Behind door one --" she waved at the room where Yosef/Garshaw and Freya/Anise were trying to work out the clothes, "-- we have two Tok'ra women, neither of which have any idea of Earth behaviour. I've got to keep an eye on both of them by myself. Behind door two --" she motioned to a door identical to the other, "-- we have Martouf. He's obviously having less trouble, if the lack of calls for help are anything to go by. You've also got Dad, but I'm sure he'll fit in fine. After all, he did live here. That just leaves Martouf, to be looked after by you, Teal'c and the Colonel. It all seems just a little unfair to me." Even just saying it made her feel better.  
  
All the while she was spieling, Sam could see Daniel smiling. Well, it was more of a smirk.  
  
"Daniel?" she asked, trying to recover breath after her monologue.  
  
The archaeologist's smirk widened. "Jack has some fairly strong views of the Tok'ra," he told her, being deliberately vague.  
  
"No he doesn't," Sam argued. "He has strong opinions of the Goa'uld. For him the line between them and the Tok'ra is more of a smudge. He lets one opinion cover both of them. That's what's got me so confused about this whole fiasco."  
  
"Okay," Daniel put his hands up in mock defeat, "Jack has ulterior motives on this one. My guess is he's going to annoy and embarrass these poor, unsuspecting Tok'ra AND enjoy every second of it."  
  
"So," Sam prompted, "what's this got to do with not telling me?" She was going to get an answer, and Daniel was the most likely one to get it out of.  
  
Daniel sucked in a deep breath. He shuffled his feet nervously and his whole facial expression screamed 'I shouldn't be telling you this!' "He has strong views on one of the Tok'ra in particular," he said slowly.  
  
"Daniel?" she asked, matching his tone. She was getting annoyed with the hints.  
  
"Okay, Sam," he gave in, "this is it: Jack gets extremely possessive at times. He likes having control; he likes having complete control. When we met the Tok'ra he found someone that could threaten his control over one of his team members, one that's important to him."  
  
Sam bit her bottom lip to stop herself acting adversely. That was one thing she didn't need to hear. She stood there staring at him, trying to think of something to say in her own defence.  
  
"That's the way it is, Sam," Daniel said calmly, looking her in the eye. "Jack's jealous." Again she couldn't find anything to reply with.  
  
She found herself letting out a sigh of relief when the sound of latch clicking broke the uncomfortable silence. Her relief quickly turned to apprehension when she discovered exactly who had entered the room.  
  
In the doorway of one of the adjoining rooms stood Martouf, completely oblivious to the conversation that had taken place. Sam had been loathing seeing him in 'normal' clothes, sure he would look out of place, but he didn't look that bad. Aside from pulling uncomfortably at the collar of his shirt, she wouldn't have picked him as being from another planet.  
  
"And that would be the Tok'ra Jack's jealous of," Daniel commented in an undertone, loud enough for Sam to hear, but not Martouf. He looked at the floor, refusing to meet her glare.  
  
"Hey, Martouf," Sam said as cheerfully as she could, trying to stop her cheeks from colouring.  
  
"Hello, Samantha, Dr Jackson," he nodded to both in turn as he spoke. Daniel simply raised his hand in reply and began studying the wall again.  
  
Martouf looked around. "Where is Colonel O'Neill?" he queried, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.  
  
"So, Jack's not the only jealous one," Daniel muttered to himself. Sam couldn't quite tell if she was supposed to have heard that.  
  
She gritted her teeth. 'Note to self: kill Daniel'. She wanted to scream at him, if for nothing else than the smirk that currently dominated his face.  
  
"He's not here," Daniel informed the Tok'ra in a completely uncharacteristic tone. He looked sideways at Sam. "And he won't be for a while."  
  
Under different circumstances she would have done anything for the grin Martouf gave her, but now was really not the time. No matter how gorgeous his smile was, no matter what the gleam in his eyes did to her stomach, she would NOT respond. Not here, not now.  
  
Unfortunately, Daniel was completely oblivious to the expression that crossed her face.  
  
"Hey, Sam, why don't you take Martouf to the briefing room?" he asked. "I'll bring Freya and Garshaw up when they're ready."  
  
"Uh, Daniel," Sam said, desperately thinking up a reason why it was a bad idea. "What if they need any more help? I mean, you can't exactly do anything for them."  
  
"I'll page you," Daniel told her absently, flicking one hand through the air before resting on the pager attached to his belt. "It's only one floor, so it won't take you long to get back here if they need you.  
  
Okay, she'd have to brave it. "Fine," she said, her voice a little harsher than she'd intended it to be. "This way." She gestured to the door.  
  
Martouf nodded and made his way into the corridor. Sam followed him, but paused as she was about to shut the grey door behind her. With a sigh she rested her forehead against the cold metal surface.  
  
"Samantha?" Martouf asked, making her jump. She turned, pressing her back against the cold surface of the door.  
  
"Martouf," she replied, crossing her arms in an unconscious defensive movement.  
  
"Are you all right?" he asked, once again furrowing his eyebrows. "You seem troubled."  
  
Sam smiled. "Just a little put out with the Colonel, that's all," she lied. The door latched shut behind her as she released the handle from her grip. "Shall we go?"  
  
He nodded. "Okay," she said cheerfully. "Let's go!"  
  
All the way along the hall to the elevator, she could feel Martouf's eyes on her. It made her lock her hands in front of her and stare at the ground. The click of their heels against the ground resounded in her ears.   
  
Her vision began to blur slightly. She had to bite her cheek to stop a groan escaping. Now was not the time to get a headache. She pinched the bridge of her nose.  
  
"Samantha?" Why did he have to say her name so much? It brought her defenses down, and she didn't like it. It left her vunerable.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, inhaling deeply. She ran her hand back through ber blonde hair.  
  
Martouf obviously wasn't convinced. He tentitavely touched her arm.  
  
Sam definately wasn't ready for it. She spun around and was met by his face centimetres from hers. Then the source of the headache became clear. Too clear. She could feel his breath against her face and his eyes were looking into her own.   
  
She clenched her eyes closed as the annoyingly familiar sensation washed over her. Jolinar was back to haunt her.  
  
With one hand out behind her she felt for the wall. When she felt the concrete on her palm she let her whole body fall against it. She could hear the rustle of fabric and knew Martoud had knelt down in front of her.  
  
She heard herself mutter his name, but it sounded distant.  
  
"What is wrong?" he asked. He sounded panicked.  
  
Suddenly coloured flared up behind her eyelids. "Jolinar..." she said and grabbed his arm to steady herself. Sounds from deep in her mind found their way into her conscious thoughts.  
  
"Martouf," she said, foreign emotions flooding her own as the vision started to focus. "Do not leave."  
  
They were the first words to rear their ugly heads from the pool of past conversations Jolinar had left behind. She was too removed from reality to even register she had said them.  
  
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A/N: Ooooh...I couldn't help myself. I'm cruel, I know, but I had to make Sam have memory flash while Martouf was alone with her.  
  
Feedback, anyone? It's really appreciated. Makes writing a lot easier, too. 


	3. Hey Kids, the General Just Told Me to Te...

A Tok'ra's Guide to the Tau'ri  
  
by Anouk Sun Amun (anouk_sun_amun@hotmail.com)  
  
Rating/Pairings/Season/Category/Disclaimer/Summary: See first chapter  
  
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A/N: Just another nice, long, sappy conversation...  
  
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Suddenly colours flared up behind her eyelids. "Jolinar..." she said and grabbed his arm to steady herself. Sounds from deep in her mind found their way into her conscious thoughts.  
  
"Martouf," she said, foreign emotions flooding her own as the vision started to focus. "Do not leave."  
  
They were the first words to rear their ugly heads from the pool of past conversations Jolinar had left behind. She was too removed from reality to even register she had said them.  
  
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Chapter Three: Hey Kids, the General Just Told Me to Tell You...  
  
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Inside her head Jolinar's voice echoed. 'Martouf!' she called. 'Do not leave! Why are you going now? The Council have not called a start to the evacuation as yet!'  
  
In the blackness behind her eyelids she could see the faint image of a man walking away, through glowing tunnels. She felt soft fabric under her hands. She know that she -- Jolinar -- was running to catch up to him.  
  
'We have to open the Chaapa'ai,' he stated calmly, turning to face her.  
  
Sam felt the dread of realisation wash over her. He was going to open the 'gate; she knew exactly what it meant. She knew she there were Jaffa scouting the surface and gliders patrolling the air. The wave of emotion continued and she screwed her eyes as tight as she could. These memories had the habit of coming to the fore and making her lose it at the most inappropriate times.  
  
'No! You can't!' Jolinar shouted as she fell into step beside him.  
  
'I have to,' Martouf replied, tilting his head to look at her.  
  
'Why not another?' Jolinar questioned, trying to block his path. He simply stepped around her.  
  
'Why not me?'  
  
'Please, do not do it! It is too dangerous!'  
  
'And your infiltration missions are not?'  
  
'There is no way to get back!'  
  
'Someone has to open the way to the new homeworld, for sake of the Tok'ra. It is this way it happens every time we are forced to move. This time it is my turn.'  
  
'Please, do not go!' Sam knew she actually uttered the words.  
  
'What will I tell the Council? That I could not do it because my mate ordered me not to?'  
  
'Martouf, Lantesh, please!' She could feel the distress Jolinar had at knowing her words would not change anything.  
  
'No, Jolinar,' she saw his eyes flare and his voice dropped by an octave. 'Do not try to dissuade me! I must go.'  
  
He turned again and walked away from her. She had felt hurt. Hurt that he could just leave her like that. Sam clenched her fists. Bastard. Wait, that was Jolinar's opinion, not hers.  
  
She felt the dead symbiont lose herself emotionally. The colours of the flashback blurred as she saw Jolinar turn and run in the opposite direction. She could hear the resonating sound of her shoes hitting the ground.  
  
So that was what brought this on. She had heard the sound of shoes. Such a simple thing. But Martouf had been there: that was not simple.  
  
'Jolinar! Rosha!'  
  
She continued running.  
  
'Jolinar? Jolinar! Samantha!'  
  
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The last name brought her back into reality, where it had come from. Slowly Sam opened her eyes, the memories of the late Tok'ra faded into the deeper corners of her mind. She blinked several times, clearing her vision.  
  
"Samantha?" the man in front of her asked.  
  
"Martouf," she replied, hoping she sounded calm. Her thoughts were confused, as they often were after one of these spells. Closing her eyes again, she leaned her head against the wall and inhaled deeply. "I'm fine."  
  
Exhaling again, she steadied herself with the wall and attempted to push herself into a standing position. She could feel her pulse pumping madly in her throat. 'Why now?' she thought. It had changed from 'Why me?' quite some time ago.  
  
The familiar feeling of emptiness gripped at her chest. It always did that when those annoying little remnants of Jolinar left again.  
  
"How often does this happen?" Martouf enquired, taking her arm as she lost her balance. "The memories of Jolinar?"  
  
Sam shook his hand away and pushed herself off the wall. "Not often," she assured. Once more she took a deep breath. "Come on, we'd better go."  
  
She got no more than a step before she felt the pressure of his hand on her arm.  
  
"Samantha," the low, worried tone of his voice pulled her up short. Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned around. The same catch she heard in his voice was mirrored in his face.  
  
"I'm fine, Martouf, really," she tried to convince him. She attempted to pry his fingers from his arm with her free hand.  
  
Gently he took hold of her wrist. "You are not," he said flatly. It was a statement, no a question.  
  
"No," she replied, matching his emotionless tone. "It's just...I don't know!" She let out an exasperated sigh. Her eyes stung, warning her of approaching tears. Tears that would NOT fall. "I've got the recollections of a dead alien in my brain. I don't know what is 'fine'!" Her voice wavered on the last word.  
  
'Great, Sam,' she thought. 'Of all the people you could go into gushing confessions with, it had to be him.'  
  
As if life was throwing one last insult in her face, she felt a solitary tear roll down her cheek. That was it. It had to stop. Just as she braced herself, ready to pull her arm away, Martouf took her by surprise. Gently he raised his hand to her face and wiped the offending bead away with his thumb.  
  
She couldn't help but sigh as his fingers trailed down her cheek and across her jaw line. She let her eyelids slide shut and didn't open them until his hand disappeared. When she looked at him he was staring intently at her.  
  
"It bothers you," he said quietly, still holding her arm.  
  
Sam laughed softly. "You said exactly that when we met."  
  
"It is just as true now as it was then. I can see it in your face," he told her.  
  
She dropped her gaze to the floor. For a few moments she thought about how she was going to phrase her next sentence, choosing her words carefully. Cautiously she lifted her eyes again.  
  
"You know everything that Lantesh thinks and feels, right?" she asked.  
  
"Yes," Martouf answered, looking puzzled. "Unless he chooses it to be otherwise."  
  
"And you can access all of his memories?"  
  
"Once again, yes, unless he does not want me to, which is very rarely."  
  
"Okay," Sam said. She pinched the bridge of her nose between a forefinger and thumb. Martouf shifted his grip to accommodate her movement. "He's there in your mind constantly, and you have control over what you see from his past." She paused and continued at his nod. "When I recall things of Jolinar's, I have no control over it." Her hand fell to her side again. "I remember things that happened centuries before I was born to someone who's now dead."  
  
Martouf visibly winced when she mentioned the word 'dead'. "It must be hard for you," he said, his voice sad, "to have the thoughts of one you did not have the chance to know." He loosened his fingers and trailed them along her forearm.  
  
Sam shivered involuntarily. She was acting like a hormonal teenager. It was just stupid.  
  
The empty hole in her chest grew. On impulse she grabbed Martouf's hand and laced his fingers into her own as they brushed lightly over the bare skin at her wrist. For a few seconds she thought he was going to pull away. His expression went from pure shock to surprise before shifting back to its normal neutrality.  
  
Awkwardly he placed his other hand against the small of her back and pulled her closer to him. Sam quickly darted her eyes in both directions down the corridor to check for any SFs that might be in the area. Finding no-one, she focused her attention back to Martouf.  
  
They were so close; so close. She could feel his hot breath brushing her lips in short, sharp gasps. Her heart was doing double-time. Without thinking she rested one hand one his shoulder, the other still entwined with his.  
  
'Oh, yeah, Sam: definitely a hormonal teenager,' she told herself as the buzz inside her ribcage increased.  
  
She leaned forward and had to fight the urge to gasp when their foreheads touched.  
  
"Samantha," Martouf breathed. The syllables punctuated the stream of air caressing her lips, making her shudder again.  
  
Her senses were in overdrive. She could feel every little shift in his movement, hear every intake of breath, see the flurry of emotions that passed through his blue-grey eyes. Those eyes...  
  
Apparently she was also suffering from selective deafness.  
  
"Hey, kids," Jack said, his voice dripping with poorly-hidden ire. "The General just told me to tell you briefing starts in five."  
  
Suddenly the two broke apart. Sam knew she wore a completely horrified expression, but was powerless to stop it. The colour rose in her cheeks, burning as it went.  
  
"Sir..." Sam started, her voice catching.  
  
"Carter," he replied, his tone harsh and cold. He had already changed into civilian clothes, and his posture screamed out that he wasn't happy. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes that Sam had thought was only reserved for the Goa'uld.  
  
Daniel's words rang through her mind: 'Jacks' jealous'  
  
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A/N: Guess what, people! We finally have season 6! Whoo hoo!  
  
Okay, this may not seem like much, but I live in Tasmania, Australia, and Southern Cross (the station that airs SG-1) is even less reliable here than on the mainland. They were going to end season 5 here with 'Wormhole X-treme'! Thankfully there was enough outcry from fans to make them show the other 10 (9: they didn't air 'Proving Ground') episodes.  
  
Please review; it's appreciated. In my opinion, it's getting a bit long-winded. I'd hoped to be a lot further along with this by now. 


	4. That's Supposed to Happen

A Tok'ra's Guide to the Tau'ri  
  
by Anouk Sun Amun (anouk_sun_amun@hotmail.com)  
  
Rating/Pairings/Season/Category/Disclaimer/Summary: See first chapter  
  
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A/N: Okay, it's been a long time since I've updated this ('bout three weeks), but my life has been hectic. It's nearly the end of the school year and I've been weighed down with tonnes of work as my teachers have suddenly realised they don't have assessments on certain things. Plan to write more soon.  
  
Also, I have taken some ideas from my last reviewer. They kinda let loose a whole hutch of plot bunnies. g  
  
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"Sir..." Sam started, her voice catching.  
  
"Carter," he replied, his tone harsh and cold. He had already changed into civilian clothes, and his posture screamed out that he wasn't happy. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes that Sam had thought was only reserved for the Goa'uld.  
  
Daniel's words rang through her mind: 'Jacks' jealous'  
  
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Chapter Four: That's Supposed to Happen...  
  
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Sam sighed with relief as she pushed the door open. The briefing had been tense, to say the least. The cold glare of Colonel O'Neill had been passed from her to Martouf. She hadn't been able to meet his eyes.  
  
"Okay, where are we going first?" Daniel asked, apparently oblivious to the strain hanging thick in the air.  
  
"It's a surprise," Jack announced. He pushed his way past the group gathering outside the briefing room. Yosef and Freya exchanged quizzical glances before following the seething colonel.   
  
"At least they seem happy enough," Sam muttered as she made to go after them.  
  
"Who?" Daniel questioned, walking beside her.  
  
"Nothing, Daniel." Sam began walking faster.  
  
"What happened?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Sam."   
  
She glanced briefly over her shoulder. Daniel saw the fleeting look. Sam sighed as he turned to see Jacob and Martouf talking quietly some distance behind them.  
  
"Oh," was Daniel's reply. "Poor Jack." He slowed his pace and fell into line with Sam's dad and Martouf.  
  
'Poor Jack? What about me?' Sam thought as she ran the day's earlier event over in her mind. 'How am I meant to make a choice like that?'  
  
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"...And the monkeys! Don't make me start on the monkeys!" Jack waved both hands over his head to emphasise his point. His eyes were wide and his expression scared, but Sam could tell it was an act.  
  
Freya, on the other hand, could not. It was starting to get painful. She had walked up beside Jack and quite innocently enquired about what they would be shown on their tour. Now it was to the point where Sam wanted to go and rescue her.  
  
"They have huge teeth and froth at the mouth when you get near them!"  
  
Sam was beginning to wonder what zoo they were actually going to, because she didn't know of any in Colorado Springs where the tigers had sabre-teeth and the otters had claws three inches long. Or one where the pelicans had to be kept behind steel bars, for that matter.  
  
"When are we doing this, sir?" Sam called out, hoping Freya was smart enough to remove herself from Jack's side.  
  
"The zoo? Tomorrow." He turned back to where Freya had been standing, only to find no-one there. With a confused expression on his face, he looked around spotted her trying to hide behind Jacob.  
  
Sam pushed back her sleeve to reveal her watch. Only 0900. Great. "Uh, what time are we coming back to the base?"  
  
"We're not," Daniel said flatly, not sounding at all pleased.  
  
Sam felt her chest tighten. "We're not?" It took all her self control to not turn and run back to the General and beg him not to make her go.  
  
"Yeah," Jack confirmed. "I thought it would show them more of our culture if we let them stay at one of our places." He continued walking.  
  
"You think too much," Daniel said under his breath.  
  
"Indeed, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c agreed. "This could be most disastrous."  
  
Daniel pressed his palm against his forehead. "This is going to cause on major headache. I can tell. Sam, maybe you can tell your dad that Jack's up to something so he can warn the others. The last thing we need is for Jack to destroy intergalactic relations for his own amusement. Knowing him..."  
  
Sam lost the tail-end of his sentence as he stalked of after Jack, who had moved on to telling Yosef about the flesh-eating butterflies. She waited for her dad to catch up to her. While she was thinking how to word her caution Jacob was conversing in low tones with Freya.  
  
"No, don't worry," he was telling her. "They only have two fences to keep the lions away from visitors, not three. It's the seals you should be concerned about."  
  
"Why?" Freya asked, her tone unsure.  
  
"Well," Jacob told her, "they've got tunnels around the edge of the tank under the water level. There's only glass separating you from the seals, and it you move too fast, they'll break it to get to you."  
  
"And you Tau'ri keep these dangerous creatures?" Her voice was barely audible.  
  
"Yeah, I really can't understand it," Jacob mused. A smile was threatening to break his sombre expression.  
  
'Okay, Sam, you can panic now,' she thought. 'It's a conspiracy; it's gotta be.'  
  
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Sam bit her lip when Jack walked up to the panel in front of the elevator and hit one of the buttons. The grin on his face made her nervous.  
  
"Right, Jacob knows this but for the benefit of you other three...six including the snakes, this is an elevator," he launched into an explanation. Sam saw Daniel grit his teeth.  
  
"What is its purpose?" Garshaw asked, obviously offended by his description of her kind.  
  
"It will take us to the surface so we can start our fascinating journey," Jack replied.  
  
The light at the top of the control panel blinked red and the door opened. The colonel seemed pleased when Martouf jumped.  
  
"Are you telling me that you've never been in one of these?" he asked.  
  
"General Hammond suggested we use the stairs," Martouf told him.  
  
"None of that now," Jack said with fake cheer, "you're here to learn about us, you will learn to use an elevator!" He walked confidently into the small chamber and held the 'open door' button. "Come on, it doesn't bite," he encouraged mockingly.  
  
Everyone stood still for a few moments. Finally, Garshaw walked forward. Her expression was neutral, but she visibly cringed as she crossed the threshold. Reluctantly Freya followed. Jacob motioned for Sam to precede him.  
  
Soon they all were cramped into the small lift.  
  
"I'd like to add at this point that all elevators in this base are guaranteed to carry thirteen people safely, so we're insured with this amount in here," he said. "Unless you include the snakes, of course."  
  
Daniel flexed his fingers and forced a smile. Jack took his hand away from the button and the doors closed, nearly catching Martouf's sleeve. The startled Tok'ra leaned back, sending Freya into the wall.  
  
"Oops," Jack said sarcastically. "Mind the doors, Marty." He smirked as Freya attempted unsuccessfully to straighten her halter-neck top.  
  
"Surface, here we come," Jack announced and pressed the appropriate number on the key pad.  
  
"God help the poor people of this planet," Jacob muttered to himself.  
  
The lift lurched into movement and Martouf, Garshaw and Freya grabbed the support rails.  
  
"Don't worry, it's almost completely safe," Jack assured.  
  
At that moment the elevator lurched to a halt.  
  
Jack looked at the worried faces of the Tok'ra. "That's supposed to happen," he said, shrugging his shoulders casually.  
  
The lights flickered momentarily before going out entirely.  
  
"Okay," Jack admitted, "that isn't."  
  
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A/N: Did you know there used to be a town in Egypt called Naqada? There's a useless fact for you.  
  
Reviews, anyone? 


	5. This is Not Going to be Fun

A Tok'ra's Guide to the Tau'ri  
  
by Anouk Sun Amun (anouk_sun_amun@hotmail.com)  
  
Rating/Pairings/Season/Category/Disclaimer/Summary: See first chapter  
  
Content Warning: language (one mild word, but I thought I'd put it in anyway)  
  
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A/N: Now, this has been a VERY long time coming, and I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself. *winces* I did plan to get this up sooner, but I forgot I'd written most of it.  
  
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At that moment the elevator lurched to a halt.  
  
Jack looked at the worried faces of the Tok'ra. "That's supposed to happen," he said, shrugging his shoulders casually.  
  
The lights flickered momentarily before going out entirely.  
  
"Okay," Jack admitted, "that isn't."  
  
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Chapter Five: This is Not Going to be Fun...  
  
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"Jack?" Jacob asked, his tone unamused. "Tell me you didn't arrange for this to happen."  
  
"I didn't," the Colonel professed. "It's not my fault!"  
  
There was a few seconds of silence, which made the near pitch-black darkness seem more oppressive.  
  
"The question is this: how do we get out?" Freya enquired. Her voice was steady, but Sam guessed she felt otherwise.  
  
"Wait a sec," Sam told them. In the dark, she pushed her way past Martouf and Freya, to where she knew the emergency phone would be.  
  
"Excuse me," she muttered, holding her hands out in front of her. She strained her eyes in an attempt to make out shapes, but the minimal light only served to make it harder to see.  
  
The day was getting progressively worse. It could be no more than 0915, and she had already had the arrival of the Tok'ra sprung on her, had to explain -- in front of Daniel -- how to put on a bra, and was now stuck in a lift sixteen storeys underground.  
  
After some careful navigation around Martouf, Sam's palm found the cold metal of the wall.  
  
"Cater?" Jack asked. He sounded amused.  
  
"Almost there, sir," she replied. She slid her hand sideways until it hit the edge of the phone.  
  
"Ow!" came a sudden wail from the back of the elevator.  
  
"My apologies, Colonel O'Neill," Garshaw said.  
  
"Ah, 's'okay," Jack answered. "Just can you not do the Goa'uldy voice when we're in a dark enclosed space?"  
  
There was the sound of two solid objects colliding, followed by yet another.  
  
"Okay," he yelled. "Once was an accident; twice is... twice is not!"  
  
"Once again, my apologies," Garshaw told him.  
  
"Your apologies? You just thumped me, then hit me again and knocked me to the ground!"  
  
"Then do not insult the Tok'ra!" Garshaw shouted back. In the darkness her glowing eyes were obvious.  
  
"Jacob," Jack said casually.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I think your leader needs some serious help."  
  
"For once Jack I completely agree with you."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah," Jacob said sarcastically and soon followed it up with a resounding 'thud'.  
  
"I meant mental help; not help beating me up!"  
  
"A punch-up in a malfunctioning lift isn't going to help Tau'ri/Tok'ra relations much, is it?" Daniel yelled, trying to be heard over Jack's cursing.  
  
"I do not believe so, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c answered.  
  
'At least someone's calm,' Sam thought as she picked up the receiver of the emergency phone and held it to her ear. 'Wait 'til Janet hears: my dad and the leader of the Tok'ra rebellion beating the crap out of my commanding officer.' Any other day it would have been funny.  
  
It was surprisingly silent as the phone auto-dialled.  
  
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"So?" Jack asked from floor level when she placed the phone back in the cradle.  
  
"They'll be here as soon as they possibly can," Sam told him.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yes, sir. Oh."  
  
"We'll be here for a while then?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
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Ten minutes later there was a knock on the elevator roof. "Hello?" a voice called.  
  
"Hey," Jack called back. "This is Colonel O'Neill. Get us the hell out of here; that's an order!"  
  
"Just give us a minute, Colonel," the disembodied voice told them. "Now, I'm going to open the emergency hatch, and you're all going to have to climb out. How many of you are there?"  
  
"Eight," Sam replied hastily before her commanding officer could make another 'including the snakes' comment.  
  
There was a the sound of a latch clicking. Suddenly a flashlight was shone down on them. They all blinked at the sudden light.  
  
"Sorry," the now-visible technician apologised. "I'll move out of the way so you've go a clear space to pull yourselves up." He disappeared from view.  
  
Freya turned to Jack, who had pulled himself into a standing position. Very little light came down through the hatch, so her features were half obscured.  
  
"How exactly do we get up there?" she asked, motioning to their exit.  
  
'Great,' Sam thought. She checked her watch: the digital display showed 0930. 'This is not going to be fun.'  
  
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A/N: 


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